Fear-Less
Surfs up in 2027?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave-Sara Bareilles
What would you do if you had no fear?
Skydive?
Ask someone out for a date?
Travel alone to a foreign country?
Speak up?
Take a big risk?
Surf?
What is stopping you?
I just returned from a wonderful vacation. Two weeks with no work, no commitments, no real-life issues. A big chunk of the time was spent at the beach in Southern California with my family. We traveled with our 14...very soon to be 15...year-old grandson (I will call him E. for this post), who decided he wanted to take surfing lessons. He is an athlete, a star hockey player on his high school and club teams, and can swim pretty well. But surfing? That takes strength, and balance, and, yes, no fear. Yet, there he was.
He went to the same surfing school in Seal Beach, CA that my nephews attended twenty years ago. It was a three-hour lesson, and he asked me to be there to watch. The class was a mix of mostly experienced students…those attending most days all summer, and a few, like my kid, who was taking his first-ever lesson. The age range was from five years old to one man in his 70s who told me he was fulfilling a lifelong goal. It was his first day too.
I watched the newbies learn the basics first on sand. Then, after 20 minutes or so, they were in the water. Now, the waves weren’t very high that day…perfect for learning…and one of the instructors took the first-day kids aside and worked with each one individually. I won’t get into the details of surfing in this post, but learning how to paddle, time the waves, the “pop up,” and safe falling are key points to learn.
E, of course, fell his first few times. But, after about 15 minutes, HE WAS UP!! That doesn’t always happen on day one. He looked great out there, and loved it. We now have a surfer dude on our hands! (Too bad he lives nowhere near an ocean.)
I watched him for the entire three hours, so I also kept an eye on the older man taking his first lesson. He didn’t do as well, but the few seconds he managed to pop up were perfect. He was so very proud and happy. A “lifelong dream,” he said. He said he was scared out of his mind, but did it anyway. To be honest, I was a bit envious.
What would you do if you had no fear?
I was never a true surfer, but dated a guy throughout high school who was. We spent endless days all summer at the beach. We would go very early in the morning so he could be in the water by 6 am. He would surf for a couple of hours and then get me. I body surfed using one of his boards and progressed to “knee boarding.” Just what it sounds like…surfing, but on a knee, not standing up.
In those days, I was fearless...no waves were too big... and that boyfriend was always there if I needed some help. But then life happened. I graduated, stopped dating the guy, worked all the time, moved away from the beach, and never surfed again.
Watching that 70+ man give it his all opened up so many memories. Could I learn to surf now at my age? What’s stopping me? I don’t swim much these days, so I would need to implement a training and conditioning program in a local pool. That actually sounds nice—step 1. Join my local gym to have access to a pool. Let’s do this! Maybe next year I will be able to share photos of MY surf lesson. Thoughts?
A Google query told me that:
Without fear, a person would pursue bold dreams, speak their absolute truth, and let go of toxic bonds. People often dream of starting new paths, setting firm limits, and living fully in the present moment.
That sounds like the perfect way to enter “old” age. A chance to reinvent ourselves one more time…maybe for the last time. Maybe not.
I would love to hear your stories of overcoming fear to pursue a dream or goal. Or, if you are hesitating, what is stopping you? Physical limitations aside, is it ever too late?
For my Saturday morning “coffee club” members. I am so sorry this post is late. We were without internet for 12 hours yesterday…it went out just as I was editing this post.
Happy August, everyone!
Peace + Clarity
Much love!
Thanks for stopping by Leaving Middle Age! If you found this interesting, please share it with friends, family, or anyone who’d appreciate the journey.
First, I enjoyed reading this blog thanks to your usage of paragraphs rather than lines and lines of single sentences. I'm not sure if the paragraphs are due to a lack of access to AI with your internet down but this writer and reader appreciated it. I hope you continue writing in this style. For me, it's a more enjoyable read to have time to build on your point, to create thoughts, to feel the rhythm. Second, on a press trip in Mexico a few years ago I was the only one who took advantage of the three-hour surf lesson. I, too, got up and actually surfed - something I'd never tried before. It was fun and I understood the "pull" of it once I was actually standing on top of waves riding them to shore. It never occured to me to be afraid but I realized later that the other writers on the trip were hesitant due to fear. I don't live a fear-driven life and struggle to relate to it. My purview is due to many factors but one that is sharable is the book, "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." I recommend it frequently and highly. It's an old book but an absolute gem for anyone limited by fear and or who lives with learned fear-based behaviors. While you shared your hesitation to try due to swimming insecurities, you have a plan for next year, which is great. With your paragrahs I was able to read between the lines of you thinking, "Why not?" rather than "Why?" I'd love to see you go deeper with your writing by sharing more vulnerabilites, by posing the "why" questions (and answering them). My guess is you're not that far off from changing the name of your blog from "Leaving" a certain age to "Embracing" or "Welcoming" what comes next!
I hate to not do something if the only reason not to is that I'm afraid. My best example is my Last Lunch. I was contacted out of the blue by a woman named Erica Heller, who was putting together this anthology: ONE LAST LUNCH: A FINAL MEAL WITH THOSE WHO MEANT SO MUCH TO US. The idea was to write a lunch with someone you love who is now dead. She wanted me to write a lunch with my mother, who died when I was four.
I said yes, then didn't do it for six months because I was afraid of the emotional pain. She kept chasing me, and eventually I sat down to it for the reason above: I hated not doing it because I was afraid. And in fact, amazing delightful surprise: it wasn't emotionally grueling! It was genuinely healing and I felt that I'd got to know my mother better than I could have any other way. And I could comfort her, knowing that she must have been afraid of what would happen to me without her.
I recorded it: you can listen, if you like, at https://youtu.be/ojDSYeYxuOk