The Glue of Shared Memories

What would we do without the people who remember our stories right alongside us? This week, I’m writing about the joy (and the health benefits!) of shared memories — and why they matter more than ever

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Mm-mm-memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were- The Way We Were, Barbara Streisand

Wow, what a couple of weeks! I finished the work of planning, executing, and cleaning up from the fundraiser I mentioned in my post, The Sweetness of Saying No, and just two days later, my sister and one of our lifelong friends arrived for a visit.

The timing couldn’t have been better — the air was crisp, the cottonwoods were turning, and Northern New Mexico was showing off her fall colors. We hiked, took long drives through the country, lingered over lunches and dinners, explored favorite shops, celebrated the quirkiness that is Halloween in Taos, and even squeezed in a wine tasting and a few margarita nights!

But out of everything we did, my favorite part wasn’t the activity. It was the conversations — the hours of talking, laughing, and remembering.

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When I was growing up, my parents were best friends with the neighbors two houses down. We moved into that house six months before my youngest sister was born. The neighbors had a six-month-old infant daughter, and the two moms instantly bonded. The dads became fast friends too. Before long, the neighbors had another daughter, and that made five of us — all girls, six years apart in age.

Our families were inseparable. Weekends were filled with dinners at one house or the other, beach trips, camping, snow weekends at their cabin, barbecues, brunches — if one family was there, the other probably was too.

I’ve always considered those two neighbor girls to be my sisters from another mother. All five of us grew up together, and somehow, we never stopped. We still get together for the big things — weddings, birthdays, holidays, baby showers, sometimes just because — and every time we’re all in the same room, my heart is full. (Healy, if you are reading this, you are included too!)

It’s a reminder that family isn’t only the one you’re born into. It’s also the people who share your history — who know the same stories from the inside out.

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Lately, I’ve been thinking about how shared memories are completely different from simply remembering.

My 96-year-old dad, for example, lives in a loop of his twenty favorite stories. He tells them exactly the same way every time — same details, same laughter or tears, same intonation — often two or three times in a single conversation. He isn’t really looking for a dialogue; he’s reliving his own highlights reel.

But shared memories? They’re alive. They breathe and change every time you retell them with others. Sometimes our minds edit the past — polishing the hard parts, embellishing the funny ones — but when we revisit the same moment with the people who were there, something beautiful happens: we correct each other, fill in the blanks, and in doing so, bring the truth into sharper focus.

When the five of us get together, someone will inevitably say, “Remember when…?” and just like that, we’re off. What follows can be hours of laughter, sometimes tears, but always warmth. I’m usually the worst at remembering the details — happily, the other four have steel-trap memories and plenty of photographic evidence to back them up.

Our group text chain is a treasure trove of those moments — old photos, funny stories, tiny snippets of shared history that spark new conversations. As I was preparing this post, I scrolled back through years of those texts and couldn’t stop smiling. Naturally, that started a new round of messages: “Remember when…?”

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It turns out, science agrees with what my heart already knows.
Shared memories — not just reminiscing alone, but together — have measurable benefits for our physical and emotional health. My Google research shows that revisiting memories with others can:

• Deepen social and emotional connections. Shared storytelling strengthens bonds, helping to ward off loneliness and isolation.

• Preserve identity and meaning. Talking about the past keeps us connected to our sense of self and gives continuity between who we were and who we are now.

• Boost mood and mental health. Revisiting positive experiences can increase happiness and calm anxiety, while also helping us process and find peace with difficult times.

• Support physical and cognitive health. Shared connection lowers stress, improves sleep, and is even linked to better cognitive function as we age.

• Transmit family history and legacy. It keeps traditions and values alive for younger generations and strengthens intergenerational understanding.

For those of us in middle age and beyond, these shared moments help us feel grounded. They remind us of the larger story we’re part of — and that we’re still writing new chapters.

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So this week, maybe reach out to your people — the ones who hold your history alongside you. Send an old photo, or just a quick, “Remember when?” You might be surprised by the laughter and love that come flooding back.

And I’d love to hear from you — who are the people who share your story? What memories make you smile every time they resurface? Share a favorite moment or two in the comments — I promise, the rest of us will smile (and maybe tear up) right along with you. 💛

Thank you for reading — and for sharing this journey of Leaving Middle Age with me. Every story, memory, and reflection you share reminds me just how much we’re all still growing up together.

The five of us…through the years. The first photo is missing the youngest of the group. She was probably taking a nap!!

Much love!

Thanks for stopping by Leaving Middle Age! If you found this interesting, please share it with friends, family, or anyone who’d appreciate the journey.