Wow! Last Week Was Rough!
When Rest Doesn’t Work: A Reflection on Fatigue and Chronic Illness
"Time to rest your weary head
Take your wings and go to bed
I know you want to know it all, my darling"
And I'd say
"Set me down and rock me
Rock me to sleep"-Jacob Collier
It started with a tickle. Just a slight cough. It felt like I needed to clear my throat.
Wow, did that escalate quickly.
By that evening, I was fully down for the count—body aches, headache, runny nose, cough... all the hits. But nothing was particularly alarming. No fever, no serious pain, nothing I’d rush to urgent care for.
Except for the fatigue.
I’ve never felt that tired in my life.
For four days last week, I did almost nothing but sleep. One day, I managed a piece of toast for breakfast, fell back asleep, woke up around 4 p.m., took a shower (which required Olympic-level effort), and then went right back to bed for the entire night. I had a professional certification deadline looming. I tried to study. My brain said, “Nope.”
Eventually, I rallied enough to pass the test—just under the wire. And I’m fine now. It was just a weird cold, and I am left with a tiny cough and the sniffles. (No, not COVID. Yes, I tested.)
But during those long, blurry days spent hovering between sleep and semi-consciousness, I had one thought looping in my head: What if this never went away?
What if this wasn’t just four days of a cold, but my everyday?
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” — Wendy Mass
Fatigue is more than just feeling tired. It's a kind of bone-deep weariness that rest doesn’t fix. According to the National Library of Medicine, fatigue affects 40–74% of older adults in the U.S., especially those living with chronic conditions like heart disease, autoimmune disorders, cancer, or fibromyalgia. And then there's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME), a still-misunderstood illness that leaves many people unable to work, socialize, or even get out of bed.
While my experience was temporary, it offered a small, uninvited glimpse into a reality some people live with every single day. And frankly, it was humbling.
We tend to be a culture that celebrates productivity, hustle, and pushing through. But what if pushing through is not an option? What if the effort of taking a shower, or holding a conversation, or making a meal feels like climbing Everest?
This kind of fatigue is often invisible. There are no slings or casts or chemo ports to signal to the world that someone is struggling. And because it’s hard to see, it’s also easy to overlook—or misjudge.
“They’re just lazy.”
“They don’t look sick.”
“They must not be trying hard enough.”
I’ve heard these comments. I’ve probably thought them at some point, if I’m honest. But I’m learning, slowly and uncomfortably, that someone else’s energy level is not for me to measure.
“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” — Mahatma Gandhi
For those of us lucky enough to enjoy relatively good health in middle age and beyond, here’s what I think we can do:
Believe people when they say they’re tired. Really tired. Exhausted beyond explanation.
Ask how we can help, and be okay if the answer is “nothing right now.”
Check in with empathy, not urgency. Not “let me know if you need anything,” but “I’m thinking of you—would a grocery drop-off help this week?”
Stay informed. Read up on conditions like CFS, Long COVID, and other energy-depleting illnesses. Understanding leads to compassion.
Take care of ourselves, not out of fear, but with gratitude. Movement, nutrition, rest, and regular checkups are not guarantees, but they are gifts we can offer our future selves.
Middle age can bring its share of aches, diagnoses, and surprises. But it can also bring wisdom, perspective, and deeper empathy.
So, this post is not the one I planned to write. ( I planned to continue exploring moving house in middle-age and beyond.) But maybe it’s the one I needed to write. And maybe it’s one we all need to read now and then—to remember that good health isn’t permanent, that exhaustion is more than just “feeling tired,” and that compassion isn’t a cure, but it is a balm.
Last week started off so well. Lunch with a friend on Monday, another on Tuesday, volunteering at the spay/neuter clinic on Wednesday. It was my scheduled week off from my business (I try to take the last week of each month for rest and reset), and I was feeling great. It’s a little unnerving how quickly things can shift with our health. So to my girlfriends who are probably wondering, “Wait… what happened? You were fine?”—yep, I was. Until I wasn’t.
I know many of you have personal experience with this kind of fatigue—whether it’s your own or someone close to you. I’d truly love to hear from you. Your stories, insights, and even questions help make this space more thoughtful and compassionate for all of us.
How do you stay in tune with your body’s signals as you age? What’s changed in your relationship with rest and energy?
Do you know someone quietly navigating illness or chronic exhaustion? How do you show up for them—or how would you like others to show up for you?
Please feel free to share in the comments—I read and value every one.
Be well. And if you’re not, I see you.
Until next week,
Much love!
Thanks for stopping by Leaving Middle Age! If you found this interesting, please share it with friends, family, or anyone who’d appreciate the journey.
I've always hated hearing people talk about their aches and pains, and I've hated talking about mine. But only when I did, did I learn about Sherry Brourman's brilliant book WALK YOURSELF WELL, which changed my posture and my pain and has done the same for many people to whom I've recommended it. So I've learned to be a little more patient with other people's aches and pains and illnesses, because only if we share them will we learn new ways to cope with them.
I had a boyfriend who had chronic fatigue syndrome. I found it hard that he slept so much, lay around so much—but I did know that it was not because he was a lazy person. He had projects. He worked. Eventually he discovered the problem was to do with a chronic bacterial situation in fillings and root canals, and once he got them all redone he was fine. Sharing that in case any of your readers have this issue too.