I Signed Up For Function Health

Am I healthy? We shall see...

Photo by Adrian Sulyok on Unsplash

Give blood
But you may find that blood is not enough
Give blood
And there are some who'll say it's not enough
Give blood
But don't expect to ever see reward
Give blood
You can give it all but still you're asked for more-Give Blood, Peter Townshend

I spent most of this past week in Santa Fe (about 70 miles away) due to two appointments for lab work at Quest Diagnostics. Since my small town doesn’t have a Quest location, I had to travel a bit, but it was totally worth it for something I really believe in—staying on top of my health before problems show up. Family members have experienced some health issues lately, so I am not taking any chances and doing all that I can to monitor my well-being.

While I was there, I stumbled across a new Barnes & Noble bookstore that recently replaced a closed Bed, Bath & Beyond. I was so excited! I thought bookstores were disappearing, so finding a new one felt like a total win. I could spend hours just browsing, and sure enough, I ended up in the healthy aging and longevity section. It was packed with books about staying vibrant and living longer—clearly, I’m not the only one thinking about this stuff! It just reinforced how many people, especially those of us in midlife and beyond, are making our health a priority.

FYI, I am not recommending any of these books as I haven’t read them. I was just surprised at the number of options for this subject!

I signed up for Function Health last year, but I finally got around to booking my blood draws. If you’ve been on social media, you’ve probably seen their ads—it’s like they’re everywhere! Maybe it’s because I joined and have been researching them, but I think it’s also because they’re really onto something. Function Health is backed by well-known doctors like Dr. Mark Hyman and Dr. Casey Means, who are all about preventative health—the idea that we should be tracking our health before issues arise rather than waiting for something to go wrong.

Here’s how it works:

1. Book Your Labs – Function partners with Quest Diagnostics, so you pick a nearby location (or in my case, not-so-nearby) and schedule your tests.

2. Get Your Results – Instead of just sending you numbers, Function gives you insights from top doctors, a Clinician’s Summary breaking it all down, and even a call if anything serious pops up.

3. Track Your Progress – The idea is to test regularly so you can see trends and make changes before issues develop.

Function Health goes way beyond what a standard checkup covers. Most primary care doctors run a pretty basic panel—cholesterol, blood sugar, and maybe a couple of other things. Function, on the other hand, analyzes over 100 biomarkers, including advanced heart health markers like lipoprotein(a), apolipoprotein B, and LDL particle size, which can predict future heart health risks. They also test for many things I have never heard of. Eosinophils, or Alanine Transaminase, or Gamma-glutamyl Transferase, anyone?

Watch this interview for additional information

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Right now, I’ve received results for 77 biomarkers, with 65 in the normal range and 12 out of range. Function recommends waiting until all results are in before reacting, but they’ve already started putting together some action steps I can take. The Clinician’s Report, which takes a few weeks to complete, will give me a fully personalized plan to optimize my health.

A sample of the online dashboard-obviously not mine!!

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Dr. Mark Hyman, one of Function Health’s founders, calls this his most fulfilling venture yet. He believes in a model called P4 medicine—predictive, preventive, personalized, and participatory. The whole idea is to catch potential health issues early rather than waiting until they turn into full-blown medical crises.

In a recent interview, Hyman pointed out how traditional healthcare is reactive, not proactive—you don’t usually get access to deep health data unless you’re already sick. Function Health flips that model, putting your health data in your hands so you can take action before problems arise.

He also highlighted how Function’s testing goes beyond what most doctors check. While a standard physical might include LDL and HDL cholesterol, Function looks at more advanced markers that better predict long-term health. The platform is also designed to be easy to use and visually intuitive, making it simple to track trends over time—like whether your A1C is creeping up or if that random kidney marker was just a fluke.¹²

The Blood Draw Experience

Okay, let’s talk about the actual blood draw. My first visit took nine vials of blood, and two days later, I returned for twelve more plus a urine test. At first, I was like, “Wait, 21 vials?!” But the phlebotomist reassured me that it’s actually a tiny amount compared to what you give when donating blood. Function recommends taking it easy the next day—no intense workouts—but honestly, I felt fine.

Why I Think Function Health is Worth It

I want to take charge of my health rather than waiting for issues to pop up and Function Health makes it easy. Traditional healthcare is mostly about reacting to problems, but this is all about staying ahead of the game. I believe in balance, so, of course, I will share the results with my doctor.

Seeing that big section on healthy aging at Barnes & Noble reminded me that I’m not alone in this. More and more people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond are looking for ways to stay active and vibrant for as long as possible. It’s not just about living longer—it’s about feeling good while we do it. And that’s exactly what Function Health is all about. The cost is $499 per year, which includes the initial two tests and a mid-year follow-up, which includes 60+ lab tests 3-6 months later. This is to monitor improvements (or not) once you implement the action plan.

Once I get my full results, including the personalized Clinician’s Report, I’ll be sharing a follow-up Substack to dive deeper into the findings and my action plan. Stay tuned! I am so excited to see my biological age. Is all the clean eating, exercise, and everything else I do to stay healthy working?

Have you tried Function Health or something similar? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts! And, if you are interested in joining, let me know. They sent me a link to share so that you can avoid the waiting period. They are in beta mode. The link says, “No waitlist-immediate access with code.”

Have a good week!

Much love!

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1. Inc. Magazine

2. Time Magazine