Yawn! Sleep, Wonderful Sleep
How much sleep do we need?
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone-Asleep, The Smiths
In last week's post, I told you about my weird cold/flu/whatever-it-was that knocked me flat and left me utterly exhausted. The article explored chronic illness and fatigue—what it might feel like if that kind of bone-deep tiredness was permanent. Many of you shared your own stories about health struggles and that never-ending fatigue that’s so common as we age. Thank you. I love your comments and feedback.
Well, I had a bit of a relapse. Still coughing. Still tired. But here’s the surprising upside: I’ve been sleeping like a rock. Out cold by 9pm and not stirring until morning. It’s been kind of glorious. And honestly? The envy from friends has been real.
Almost everyone I know in middle age and beyond is struggling with sleep—falling asleep, staying asleep, waking up too early, or waking up feeling just as tired as when they went to bed. Exhaustion has become our baseline. And we’re sick of it.
My mom used to say she hadn’t slept through the night since she was 30. Some mornings she’d emerge from her room saying, “I didn’t sleep a wink last night,” with the same tone of voice you’d use to report a robbery. At the time, I thought she was exaggerating. But now? I get it. I really get it.
It’s funny how our relationship with sleep changes over time. In our teens and twenties, staying up late felt like a badge of honor. Midnight snacks, all-nighters, dancing until dawn. Now? I’m in bed by 9 with a book, and I resent any person, dog, or bladder that interrupts my REM cycle. (Well…maybe my dogs get a pass. But anyone, or anything else?? Watch out!)
But here’s the question: Why does sleep get harder as we age? And what can we actually do about it—besides complain to our friends and drink sleepytime tea like it’s a prescription?
According to the Sleep Foundation, aging brings a cascade of changes to our sleep architecture. We produce less melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate our sleep-wake cycle. Our circadian rhythms shift, meaning we get sleepier earlier in the evening and often wake up earlier in the morning. We also spend less time in deep sleep—the restorative kind—and more time in lighter stages, which makes us more likely to wake up from noise, discomfort, or that late-night urge to pee.
Add to that: medications, chronic conditions, menopause (hello, 3am hot flash), anxiety, and stress. No wonder we’re all tired.
And yet, some people still sleep like babies. What gives?
One thing I’ve learned while talking to friends is that sleep habits—and sleep challenges—are incredibly personal. I can’t have caffeine after noon or I’ll be wide-eyed at 2am, plotting my to-do list and reliving awkward moments from high school. Meanwhile, I have friends who drink a full cup (or two!) of black coffee with dessert and are snoring before the dishwasher finishes its cycle.
What works for one person might not work for another. Melatonin helps some people; for others, it does nothing. White noise machines soothe some, while others find them annoying. Sleep hygiene? Great idea, until your neighbor’s dog starts barking at 11pm.
That’s why I appreciated this New York Times article by Dani Blum, called “Sleep Better at Every Age.” It’s interactive—you can choose your age range and get targeted advice. I’ll be “gifting” the article in this week’s post, but here are a few highlights that resonated with me:
Cool the bedroom: Our body temperature drops at night, and a cooler room helps signal it’s time to sleep. (Consider it your excuse to finally buy those fancy linen sheets.)
Stick to a routine: Our brains love rhythm. Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day helps reinforce sleep cues.
Dim the lights: Reduce screen time before bed—or at least use night mode—so melatonin can do its job.
Move during the day: Regular movement, especially outdoors, helps regulate circadian rhythms. Even a morning walk can make a difference.
Don’t suffer in silence: If sleep problems persist, a sleep study or consultation might uncover an issue like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome—both common in older adults and both treatable.
“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.”
— Irish Proverb
If you’ve ever googled “how much sleep do adults need,” you’ve probably come across the magic number: 7 to 9 hours per night for most adults, according to sleep researchers and the National Institute on Aging.
But here’s the thing: not all sleep is created equal.
Seven uninterrupted hours of deep, restorative sleep is very different from seven fragmented hours, or a patchwork of night sleep + daytime naps. And while naps can be helpful, they don’t always replace the benefits of continuous nighttime sleep.
Is Too Little Sleep Dangerous?
In a word: yes.
Consistently getting fewer than six hours of sleep a night—especially over the long term—has been linked to a host of health risks:
Increased risk of heart disease and stroke
Higher likelihood of developing Type 2 diabetes
Weight gain and metabolic issues
Weakened immune function
Memory problems and slower cognition
Mood issues like irritability, anxiety, or depression
And let’s be honest: we already have enough of those risks just from living past 50. No need to stack the deck.
The real concern isn’t just one bad night—it’s chronic sleep deprivation. When your body never gets a chance to fully rest and repair, every system suffers.
“Sleep is the best meditation.”
— Dalai Lama
Sleep experts say the timing and structure of sleep matter just as much as the total number of hours. Ideally, our deepest and most restorative sleep happens during the night, in alignment with our circadian rhythms. That’s when your body does its behind-the-scenes maintenance: hormone regulation, cell repair, memory consolidation.
That said, naps can be useful, especially if you're not sleeping well at night. A short nap (20–30 minutes) can boost alertness, mood, and even memory. Some studies suggest that a longer nap (60–90 minutes) can help make up for lost REM sleep if you’re sleep-deprived.
But there’s a catch:
Too much napping—especially long or late-afternoon naps—can actually make nighttime sleep worse. And for people with insomnia or irregular sleep patterns, napping might reinforce the cycle of fragmented sleep. And, for me, napping more than one hour gives me a headache, and I am groggy the rest of the day.
So, What’s the Bottom Line According to the Experts?
Aim for 7–9 hours of total sleep in a 24-hour period
Prioritize nighttime sleep when possible—it’s the most beneficial
Short naps are okay, especially if they help you feel refreshed
If you're consistently tired, it's worth talking to a healthcare provider
Ultimately, sleep is like nutrition—what works best may vary person to person, but we all need it, and we feel it when we don’t get enough.
And if all else fails, there’s always melatonin, sleepy tea, a boring audiobook, and counting your exes instead of sheep. (Although that last one may KEEP you awake, not help you sleep!)
Here’s the truth: for some of us, no amount of chamomile tea, magnesium powder, or sleep podcasts will give us a perfect eight hours. That doesn’t mean we give up—but it does mean we give ourselves grace.
Sleep may not always be easy or predictable, but the more we understand about it, the more empowered we are to try something new, keep experimenting, and—most importantly—not blame ourselves when things don’t work.
So, please tell me:
What’s your sleep situation?
What’s your biggest sleep challenge these days—falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early?
Do you nap—and if so, is it helpful or does it mess with your sleep later?
Have your sleep patterns changed with age? What surprised you most about that?
What tricks or habits have helped?
Are you using a sleep tracker to monitor your sleep? (My Fitbit is a lifesaver for me!
I’d love to hear about your nighttime rituals, weird remedies, or anything that’s helped you catch those elusive Zzzs. Misery may love company, but solidarity (and shared advice) is even better.
Sweet dreams,
Diane
Much love!
Thanks for stopping by Leaving Middle Age! If you found this interesting, please share it with friends, family, or anyone who’d appreciate the journey.